Don't try to front, folks

Everyone everywhere is suffering with watery nostrils, dry eyes, stuffy heads and a hacking cough. Ok, so not everyone, but there are damn sure enough of you bastards to continue the flow of germs for weeks to come. Myself included. I'm all germy. Coughing and spitting green gobs of bad stuff into random tissues in my pocket. Hey...beats spitting in the trash can...like they did in grade school. It attacked Sonny first, this...this... germ. It drained his energy and stuffed his head, gave him a dry cough that produced a headache. I nursed my boy to health and what thanks do I get? His fucking illness, that's what! In a matter of 24 hours he was fit as a fiddle. I'm still dragging my ass at work, dabbing my overly moist eyes, and bringing up the colorful bad stuff. At least I'm getting better, I keep saying to myself. Meanwhile, if I'm in an enclosed space with people for more than two minutes I begin violently coughing and sputtering like a choke victim. Conversations cease and all eyes turn to me, shirt collars covering exposed orifices (noses and mouths). It's horrible. Someone's bound to dub me Typhoid Mary or something like that. And what's worse (don't try to front, folks) is if you fart in the midst of all your coughing and convulsions. Ugh. Call out sick, for what it's worth.

Well, I've got to get out of this cramped office and get some air. It's stuffy in here and it smells mildly like disinfectant and coffee.

How's your health?