Every year around this time...

February 10th. I watch the mad dash (mostly made by men) to grab last minute chocolates and balloons and all the commercialized materials that go along with this commercialized holiday coming up. Valentine's Day is a trick. I can say this even with a wedding ring on my finger. It's a ruse designed to make single people feel like shit pate on a cracker (well, the ones that give a hoot anyway) and designed to guilt dating and married people into dropping a buttload of cash into the flower and candy business. And Hallmark gets their little pound of flesh too. It's allllll about the Benjamins.

I remember when I was in grade school (probably the 6th grade) and Valentine's day rolled around. Every V-Day I would drag my ass to school. What were the odds that I would get a card from the guy I liked? What were the odds that I would get a card from a guy, period? Mostly, girls bought in these cute Mickey and Minnie cards and would hand them out with a little cherry heart-shaped lollipop taped to the card. Their parents, no doubt, encouraged them to give one to all the classmates whose names they could remember. Humiliating.

Anyway, to add to the frustration of dodging bouquets of roses and heart balloons big as a sofa, we had a small pack of jokers. These guys would each produce a red rose (from gawd knows where). They would lay in waiting until after lunch, when everyone had gotten all the V-Day stuff they were going to get. Of course, there were a handful of girls with nothing but the well concealed Mickey & Minnie cards. The jokers would approach these girls and caress her cheek with the rose, say something highly cheesy but semi-romantic and offer the flower to her. The girl would smile, reach out to take the rose (her little heart racing a mile a minute, probably) and then they would yank it away and laugh in her face...move on to the next unsuspecting victim. I watched this happen 4 times before they locked their sights on me. I didn't fall for it. But I loved what happened when they approached one of our poor classmates who had broken up with her boyfriend that afternoon. She snatched the rose and ripped it to pathetic, fragrant shreds and stomped on the petals for good measure. It was AWESOME!

Every year that I've been with Sonny we've tried to have an awesome V-Day. I don't think either one of us every really appreciated the holiday, but when you're dating it's a chance to be romantic. It's a chance to woo your partner with poetry and ply them chocolates, soft music, expensive dinner, roses, even diamonds. Last year, by far was the worst one ever. I wore this sweet-n-sexy mini dress, stockings and heels. Not one of the things I've just described is something you're likely to catch me in. I hate mini dresses. Frankly, I like to sit with my legs apart. Not the *guy* distance apart, but I like to be comfortable, dang it! Stockings are bogus. I can't even put on a pair without catching my nail and snagging them. Heels and I have never had a good relationship. Ever. So basically, I donned the sex-goddess uniform and teetered all over the place for the sake of unbridled romance.

It rained that evening. And it was cold; as a February evening should be. What was I thinking?! Oh..romance. That's right. Ok. There was a Thai restaurant we loved on the dining strip in Brooklyn. We never even parked the car to get in there. Just driving past the place you could see the line of couples standing single file, shivering and cuddling into each other to stay warm. That looked like at least a 2 hour wait. We silently shook our heads at each other and drove on. Finally, we found a parking spot about 3 blocks away from the place we originally wanted to eat. We got out and tried a few places. All were booked. Solid. 30 minutes later, we had worked our way through a block and a half, my feet were aching, my legs were icicles, and we were both punchy from hunger. And not to mention that we were arguing bitterly. We finally found a small Indian restaurant that was practically desolate. I wondered why...for about 3 seconds. And then I smelled the food and my legs start to thaw. We were seated. Toasted some wine and ate our dinner voraciously.

This year we'll both be at work. I started February banging my head against the wall trying to figure out a way for us to have an awesome Valentine's Day. I mean, it is our first one as a married couple. But he's being super passive about it and I just don't care enough about it to pull the weight of it alone. So, I doubt we'll be doing anything this year. Of course, I'll probably pull something off: dazzling, curt and sweet. But absolutely NO HEELS!