The fed-up blog

Okay, I don't know what possessed me. Maybe I was under the irresistible spell of perfect-legged models who could make drinking straw fashionable. I really thought a pair of leggings and a nice tunic would boost my wardrobe and my confidence. Imagine my horror when they did neither.

I went to Dots this weekend and dug through the racks. Eventually I came up with a pair of black leggings with the annoying lace cuff (I've always hated those). While I had no intention of buying it, I reasoned that, 'hey, I could at least try it on... see what it feels/looks like'. It was an indescribable experience. I tugged them on with my back to the mirror (I wanted to do a dramatic turn and surprise myself). The look on my face when I saw them was absolutely priceless. The mix of terror, shock, denial and shame almost caused me to, like, self-destruct at the sight of my own image. It was like an anaconda had swallowed me up to my waist: bulgy and unattractive, trembling in some places. I should have known better I guess. I'm a size 14. Wtf was I thinking? Ah well. At least I bought a nice turquoise tunic.

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I'm not sure why, but at one point I joined "black planet". I think it was a rare moment of (for lack of a better word) Afrocentricity that spurred this on. As most of you loyal readers probably know, I don't quite "fit in" with the majority of my own people. I've always been ridiculed and teased, made to feel like an outcast and bullied. So, I've pretty much gone to the beat of my own drummer. But one day I felt like getting in step with my people. I thought this 100% African American community was a good way to do it. Also I think one of my co-workers was signed up and she wanted to have me as a buddy. Ultimately, I let the page fade into the background because I felt without pictures, friends or comments on it, I was just taking up cyberspace.

Now as you readers also know, I'm a married woman. Happily, I might add. I'm not looking for anything my husband can't give me. When I started out, I was simply dating him, so I posted that. Anyway, just when I had all but forgotten about my account, I received a message from black planet. Someone sent me pics of her booty in a thong swimsuit. After I deleted that mess, I checked out my profile and decided to update it. Yeah. Why not? I threw in a few recent photos of me and changed my status to "married". My self-summary was updated as well, to include my contentment with my husband. I made it perfectly clear I didn't want to "hook up" "get down" or any of that jazz. I was there to make friends and I thought I was tap-water clear on that. But apparently I wasn't.

How many guys do you think have sent me messages along the lines of, "You're beautiful, ma! I need a girl like you. Lemme know what it do..." Seriously, all you have to do is take ONE SECOND to read a person's profile before you contact them. Just one swift scan of their page and you'll know immediately if they are looking for something or someone.

I suppose it's not fair for me to take aim at BP, since it's only their website. They don't regulate how or if people read others' profiles. Still, it's the only community I'm connected to right now. I'd like to stop getting those "let's link up" messages from the hot boys posing by their cars and greased up bisexual girls with warm and running webcams. That's frustrating because geez if only they would READ MY PROFILE... Plus, I haven't made a single friend via this community.... and I've been a member for 3 years.

On the other end of the spectrum, I have joined nappturality.com and I love it there. So it's safe to say that BP isn't serving any purpose in my life but to drive me crazy. Good riddance.