"Just *%#$@&^ do it already!"

My kind and loyal readers, I have a confession to make. I'm a bit of a slacker. I guess I have been for as long as I can remember. There was a point early in my childhood where I had the option of washing the dishes or sweeping the floor as a post-dinner chore. Had I chosen to do the dishes, I might have gotten a taste for hard work. And the satisfaction of clearing a chaotic section of the world. Instead I chose the easy way out. I chose to drag the broom across the linoleum floor and direct the dust and crumbs beneath the fridge. From that moment on I've been undisciplined and a tad unfocused. You could catch me watching "Duck Tales" and "Rescue Rangers" on channel 11 instead of doing my 5 pieces of homework. Or I'd opt to soak the non-stick pots and freshly soiled dishes rather than roll up my sleeves and dig into the towering pile immediately.

Where has it gotten me, this lack of motivation? Sitting on my ass. Waiting. For what, I don't know. But I'm waiting. What can be said for someone who keeps an unrealistic and inexplicable vigil for a phantom called hope? Hope alone can't bring anything fresh into my life. It's got to be action, swift and determined, that will bring me what I want. What I need.

Today, I logged on to a website that I frequently visit. It's a blog for "chick lit" which is something I'm not crazy about. But here was an opportunity to indulge in a little brain junk-food. So I began to religiously log on. And read their reviews. Eventually, I saw an angle. After one year of reading and posting and getting involved, I decided to ask for a job on the blog. I was told that they weren't hiring anyone. I absorbed it and moved on, deciding I could at least become a guest reviewer. I sent in one review. And they never posted it. Now, maybe it wasn't a book that could be classified as "chick lit". So I decided to try again. I'm reading the book now. And today I visited their website only to find that they hired a new blogger. This week.

I'm not bitter. I'm not angry. It does feel like I was lied to, but whatever. The thing that incited me to write this post is that I should've taken more initiative. I shouldn't have asked or "played by the rules". That's where I went wrong. It's time for me to take on life and do something. Instead of just sitting around and twiddling my thumbs, I've got to "get on my grind". So here I come. Ready or not. I'll just fucking do it already!