Day Thirty: It's over!

So, maybe I'm not a 50k winner of the National Novel Writing Month Marathon. But, I played the game, and gleefully lost my mind, forgot how to spell, confused ketchup for my soft drink a few times a lunch. I'm feeling damn good! It's funny how when I would tell people how strenuous and back-breaking it is to have a quota of 2,000 words a day to write, they all look at me and ask why are you doing this? Well, if I knew all the reasons why I shouldn't be writing a novel in one month...I probably wouldn't have attempted it. Best not think about that.... ::shudder:: I guess it's due in part to the fact that my good friend and I have this bet going on, which, unlike most bets, started innocently enough.... We used to work together at a small, dinky library in New York and one day he broke out into song as we worked. "Ooohh, Life is what you make it..." he sang softly. I laughed, and looked at him and asked, "Is it really?" That question spurred an in-depth conversation about destiny and self-imposed obstacles. We finally decided to live our lives in a way that would prove the song right (we hoped). He's a talented musician and writer, and I'm certain he'll prove us both right very soon. I, on the other hand, am stumbling, fumbling and tripping through discouraged states of lowness and euphoric writing highs.

I am also in a bit of a slump right now every time I flip through my most recent Victoria’s Secret catalog. No, it’s not for the reason that you may think. Although, I do feel a little guilty for that ice cream cone I had after dinner if I flip through there. I just remind myself that the average size for women is about a 12. I keep seeing in Vicky’s magazine and in some main stream magazines this girl. She’s tall and thin and caramel colored…and she’s an old classmate of mine. Now mind you, I am not jealous of her success. I still believe, as I have for all of my adult life, that being jealous is a waste of time. While you’re busy seething and ranting about what others have, you could be doing your best to get your own. I mean, if you got something wonderful and I didn't, I figure it's a part of God's divine plan. We're not Communists. We can't all share one iPod Nano or crowd into our neighbor's living room to watch his new plasma, universe-sized, super-deluxe television. It just doesn't work that way. So here I am discecting her situation and wondering how she got so successful. Was it purely connections? Was she just that damn ambitious? What is the magic formula that she used to attain and realize her dreams? Frankly, I'm happy for her. I've refrained from using her name...that's just not my style. But, she was always focused in high school and very sure of herself and what she wanted out of life. I suppose her success is a symptom of such rigorous discipline and self-assurance. Discipline... Self-Assurance....

Life is what you make it :)