Hasn't it been awhile?

Big things have been happening around me. And a tiny bit of it has been happening to me. Sonny's brother-in-law (the husband of his sister) passed away last month. It was expected, and foretold years ago. That didn't make it any less difficult for his loving children or his devoted wife. I never really understood loss and grief until I spent an afternoon with the loved ones of a person who couldn't be missed more. The strange thing was, I started to grieve for my grandmother then... as if suddenly by example, I had learned to let the tears and sadness go. My grandmother, for those who don't know, passed away in January. I didn't know her that well and her other grandchildren didn't readily share stories about the kind of person grandma was. Sonny's BIL's memorial/wake was more about his memory and the kind of person he was. Grandma's memorial was more about flashing and flossing and churning up that old bad blood. Bad mouthing and talking smack. It was like experiencing night and then day.

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I did something extremely stupid with my hair. I turned on a Conair drier, heated up a flat iron and set these hot tools of torture to my precious naps. What the hell was I thinking, you ask? I was thinking: "Gee. I wonder how long my hair has gotten now. Maybe I'll straighten it temporarily and see."

What I didn't realize, and what I hope most nappies do realize is that your hair may or may not recover. It's not necessarily temporary at all. I hoped it would be, but my hair got all soft and gooey and straight in front. I couldn't get the naps to spring back to existence. But, I've got a new attitude about my hair since I went natural. Shit, it's just hair. And I knew what I had to do. So, I did it. That's right. I gave Sonny the scissors and he hacked off 4 damaged inches. It's probably going to take a year to get back to my pre-stupidity length again. I've got to remain diligent and snip inches off every 6 weeks to keep up with the progress. I'm just not used to my hair being this short. I don't really know what to do with it.

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I dipped into our travelling fund to buy a laptop. I did a ton and a half of research, came close to buying some dinosaur on eBay, and then I got lucky. I visited the website of the computer store where we got our desktop. One laptop, fancy stuff I couldn't even describe to you, and NOT REFURBISHED, was on sale for 400. I snagged it. Now I owe quite a bit to the kitty and I've destroyed our chances of going to NY for a long weekend. But Sonny and I keep going back and forth on that one. I'm so tired of always being the planner. I have to find the motel and the good airfare. And then once I find the good airfare I have to sit down and discuss it with Sonny. By the time I get him to commit, the airfare has shot up 40%. It's ridiculous and I'm just tired of doing things that way.

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I've been trying to get domestic. No, I'm not finally doing the dishes. But I've been trying new dishes in the kitchen. Just last night I made beef and broccoli. From scratch, sorta. Actually Sun Bird makes these packet seasonings that are to die for. So in the past 6 months I have made: Mongolian Beef (which I love), Sesame chicken, General Tso's chicken, Pad Thai, Egg Foo Yung and Beef and Broccoli. I've also made muffins and quick bread this past month. The muffins were supposed to be a part of my high fiber kick. But they turned out to be really small and not all that high in fiber. The quick bread is moist and delicious but also not that great for me.

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I've lost 20 pounds since August. I don't know where the will to get here came from. Or maybe I do. I was looking at a picture of myself, a full body shot. And I just didn't like what I saw. My neck was thick, my body was bulging and I didn't recognize the person I saw in that picture. I needed to get back to being myself. Easier said than done, I know. But 20 pounds is pretty damn good. Especially, when you consider the fact that I haven't given up any of my favorite foods. I still eat pizzas and burgers. I still eat Doritos and chocolate. Scandalous, isn't it? :)