Maternity: The Final Frontier

... these are the voyages of a mother's life... whose 18 plus-year-mission is to maintain sanity and raise up a semi-normal, functioning child to adulthood...

Soooo weird to blog here again after 2 full years away. But in that time I've had some heartache, some heartbreak and some unfiltered joy. I figured it was time to come back and hack away at the tangled weeds of this blog again.

Heartache:
I'm still a Lorainite. That is NOT what I wanted to be typing 5 years after I moved here. But there it is, plain as day. No denying that it smarts like a paper cut dipped in batter acid being here. Believe it or not, my most recent news kind of sweetens the Lorain pot just a little. At least it makes the whole thing less putrid, hopeless and deseperate.

Heartbreak:
Last year on Memorial Day, I had a miscarriage. It was the most painful thing I had ever endured emotionally as it destroyed the seed of a desired life, a life my husband and I wanted very much and physically it caused intense cramping and bleeding. The old cliche is true: You never realize how strong you can be until being strong is your only option. I was pregnant for a little over 5 weeks, and although that seems like a short time, I had already learned to love the "rice grain" trying to grow inside of me. We were picking names, dreams, adventures for our future baby like fruit from a blooming, backyard tree. Just that swiftly it was gone. Grain was gone. I've come to nickname the lost pregnancy "Grain" because that's about how big it got to be before the end: about the size of a rice grain.

Joy:
A month later, I got the okay from my GYN to dust off and try again. We did. And rather quickly I found myself pregnant again. This one was a sticky pregnancy that kept all through the sumer and winter months and then promptly evacuated itself just in time. My daughter, Dee Dee, was almost induced because she was a little too comfy in there. At 5 months, she is sharp, pretty, happy, curious, everything to me and her daddy... Our Dee Dee is love. Pure and simple.

Welcome back, readers. I've missed you!