It really makes me wonder...

What will it take for me to get over myself? I'm having so many self doubts. I keep trying to retell this idea to myself: I'm good enough to write. But instead of believing it I'm just half-way digesting it. How do expect to move on from here? When will this pity party come down? I'm tired of the gloom and the streamers and the moldy cake. I think it's time for a change. But how???

In sickness and in health...

My throat is bright red and tingling unpleasantly every time I swallow. Just now, my nasal passages started clogging with watery grossness. I can barely breath without having to cough and spread this coppery taste across my tongue for the effort. It's horrible. I don't even know how I got this sick. I was fine on Saturday. Sunday morning I woke up and felt like dunking my head in the toilet (it clears sinuses, I'm told). Anyway, I never recovered. Even though I tried drinking lots of orange juice and eating things that would be kind to my throat. And here it is Tuesday afternoon. I want to lie down under my desk and just sleep. But then again, I turn into a super-deluxe baby when I'm sick. Ahhhh... maybe it's a mental thing. Maybe I'm only sick if I tell myself I'm sick. Arg, whatever it is, it's kicking my ass.

Oh yeah... and troubles at work. Greeeeaaaattttt.... *rolls eyes*

Wicked, weird and crazy... the usual fodder ;)

* I keep seeing these pictures of Gwen Stefani (Whose catch phrase is "wicked")and that hot hunk of British meat, Gavin. But for the past year or so, I've felt like they're kind of on the rocks. I have a feeling they'll riding the upcoming summertime wave of celebrity divorces. It would suck but it's just a feeling I get.

* It's safe to say I'm exhausted. Just last night we launched an eBay auction for Sonny's vintage car. We've both checked the auction page about 10 times today between us, I bet. We're anxious for the thing to sell. Lord In Heaven knows we need that money. Weird though, that we've both been eBayers for years and years and this is the first time either one of us has tried to sell anything.

* There was a book sale at the public library. Hundreds of books for extremely reasonable prices. I bought some books on the first day of the sale and spent $3.50. SWEET. The next day I drag Sonny along and he finds a book he likes and I dig up another good book. We got 2 for 30 cents!! As we were leaving I asked the volunteer cashier how long the sale would last. She told us it was over after Monday but everything left over would be 1 cent after 12 noon on Monday. Hell yeah I went back on Monday at 12:30 and wore my comfortable shoes. There were lots of bargain hunters there picking over what was left. I snagged 24 books and one VHS for... yep, you guessed it! A QUARTER!! It's crazy because I know I won't read all those books. But for a penny, who cares??

A little off kilter with the rest of my co-workers and SF craziness

In my mind, today is Monday. Yesterday, I was home cooking, cleaning and washing clothes to prepare for today. That's usually how my Sundays go. So, I'm a little distracted and a little "out of it" in comparison to everyone else. My keyboard is sticky (thanks to the hot chocolate I spilled on it this morning) and I've tripped out of my loose fitting wedge sandals three times already... boy, it really feels like a Monday to me.

Anyway, I'm back now. My boss is MIA which is okay by me. He works damn hard (I'm talking all night shifts) so he deserves a little laid-back time to himself. Right now, all I can hear is the steady puttering of the printer on his desk (I'm printing stuff) and the violent hum of some heavy machines running downstairs. My own workplace symphony.

I'm waiting right now. Hoping to be bitten by the muse. Hell, even if she flutters around my head and bites my neck behind the ear, I'll be grateful. WAIT... Oh. Never mind. That was a mosquito. You may be curious as to why I'm gunning down inspiration. Welllll, I'll tell you.

*clears throat*



Okay. So, the image is a bit pixilated and fuzzy. June is Script Frenzy month, from the people who brought you National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). I have decided to suspend all of my other writing and devote June to the pure madness that can only come from a marathon writing adventure. Your first thought is probably, "Well, ummm. Do you know how to write a script?" No. I don't. But, on the site, underneath 'resources for writers' they give you the brief rundown of how to format a script. What more do I need? Did you say talent, determination and a prayer? Well I'm half way there, I think.

Make that 4 times that I've flipped out of my wedges.

Geez, I'll need something stronger than hot chocolate next month.... Now where's my thinking cap??

Button Badge Earrings: My latest obsession

I was aimlessly searching on eBay. I suppose it wasn't aimless, for I was seeking a COOL Stone Temple Pilots shirt. All the shirts I've seen so far are oversized, $5 tour shirts that I would rather wear to bed than outside. And the ones that say "Hollywood Bitch" are a bit too obnoxious for my taste. At this point I'm thinking about hitting Zazzle.com for more of my custom-made needs.


Anyway, I found these nifty button badge earrings. The ones I found had Rascal Flatts on them, but I fell in love with the way they looked anyway. Sooo cool. A bit 80s but dweeby in a cute way. I really want a pair now. And of course, I got all creative as I sat there and checked out all the other button earrings... What if I got a STP shirt made up AND I found some button earrings with a nice group shot of them? I'm seriously digging the following pictures:


So, as we can see I've got choices. And I've got some time to make my choice. The only thing I'm missing is a way to make sed earrings. What's an STP fan to do??

Yes, I'm weird. Oh yes I am...

I've texted my boss 3 times since our vacation started. I can be such a dweeb sometimes. Seriously. But for the most part our vacation has been fun :) We took a quick tour of the immediate area (our location can not be disclosed at this time hehe... will explain at a later date). Anyway, picture us searching for a Chinese restaurant at 10:30 at night yesterday. I had just seen 'the office' (and loved it btw) and Sonny was using the internet. Shortly after it was over we decided to seek out some dinner. It was fun... even though we got lost twice, and it was raining steadily and Sonny almost shot through a red light (completely unaware of what was happening, he was!). But we've been unwinding and munching on carbs from the continental breakfast. Tomorrow is some sort of festival in town, so we may just check that out. Don't you just love to travel??? :D

In the moment before...

My hands are slightly sticky and they reek of cooked rubber (from the yellow gloves). They're a little raw from the hot soapy water I used to do the dishes. I'm a kind of pissed at Sonny, but what else is new there? It's funny. As a kid, I used to hate being angry at anyone. I thought being angry at them meant that I couldn't like them anymore. That my anger marked them with a defriendshipizer pen or something. That may be the reason why I often lose my steam and 5 minutes after willing the sky to crumble on some one's head, I'm laughing with that person: I always believed there was a direct connection between the strength of our relationship and the length of time I remained sour. Well, as we can see, I am no longer afraid to remain angry with someone.

Sonny's a great guy. I love him dearly. But he likes to jab when he's restless and tired and cranky. He cuts a little deep sometimes, maybe deeper than he expected to with his bruise-easy wife. And we have the uncomfortable exchange of "sorries" and hugs later on in a different room of the house. The longer it keeps up the more predictable it'll get. And that can't be good.

Anyway, we're taking a short trip. Leaving tomorrow. 4 days away from Lorain. I can hardly wait. Although, lately, I've found a virtual (and I did say "virtual") best friend in my boss. The banter is easy, light, political (mostly me feeding from his massive database of obscure facts about our fabulous government *eyes roll*) and for the past few days, it's been consistent. I like listening to him. Most of what I do is listen, since I don't feel informed enough or intelligent enough to counter his remarks with my own commentary. And when I do, I just feel foolish. He's a brilliant guy and a fascinating human being. Not to mention as weird as all get out... which is right up my alley, that last one :) I almost think I'll miss my boss. Boy, is that weird.

Why can't we be friends?

We see each other 5 days a week. 8 hours a day. We breathe the same air and laugh at the same types of things, watch some of the same movies, listen to some of the same movies. We even like some of the same foods. But, we can't be friends. Why? I'm not sure. I feel like maybe it's inappropriate. Although, my feelings for him are completely platonic. I'm talking about my boss by the way. I admire him. I love his company. And in the right setting and time I could say that I have love for him as a human being, as an individual. He's way cool. And yet, I haven't yet offered to accompany him to the local pub for some brews with the guys after work. And we haven't invited him over for dinner yet. Why am I making such a big deal about it? Why can't we be friends??